Worth It
by pet-munchkin
Summary: I want you to know that 'I' know what I 'want'. - Between HBP and DH; on a perfectly ordinary Saturday evening Tonks throws Remus off guard in more ways than he'd previously thought possible... /a wistfully calm but light-hearted R/T fic


**Pairing:** Remus/Tonks

**Rating:** Kplus

**Warning:** none (although you might have to look out for grammar mistakes, I'm pretty prone to them)

**Length:** about 2,445 words (sweet 'n little?)

**Disclaimer:** Oh, here goes again, JKR owns it all to the last little Pigmy Puff - I OWN NOTHING (except for the idea for this fic)! You see, my friend **The Savior of the Broken** tought me "Not to tell lies" (since she does it herself so eagerly ;)) and I really would like to avoid Umbridge this week, I've got enough bruises already from my motorcycle lessons. _OUCH!_ So no, I'll claim it all to be mine sometime later. ;)

**Summary:**_ "I want you to know that_ I_ know what I _want_."_ - Takes place between HBP and DH; on a perfectly ordinary Saturday evening Tonks throws Remus off guard in more ways than he'd previously thought possible... (a wistfully calm, though light-hearted fic)

**Song Recommendation:** I wrote this with the song "In The Waiting Line" by Zero 7 playing most of the time, so I reckon it does give the right mood and feeling for the fic. Everyone who has the chance may try and listen to it (on youtube or somewhere) while reading this. ;)

**Author's Notes:** So, I'm coming back with a new fic in store. Meant to post this yesterday which, due to self-induced aggravated circumstances, unfortunately proved impossible. But here it is, finally, and all I'm left to do is wishing you fun reading it...

OoOoOoOoO

**Worth It**

…

_One day at a time - this is enough._

_Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come._

_Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering._

- Ida Scott Taylor

…

"I'm ruining your life," she said in a whisper, gazing ahead at the sun that was slowly meeting ground, a trail of red and crimson left behind in its wake.

It was a quiet evening. They hadn't been doing much today, save painting half the walls of their new home in light green and still deciding on whether or not they liked the colour at all, but they were far from being finished. They'd mostly stayed in, not bothering to complete their house moving at all; they'd rather found joy in getting up late, having breakfast in bed, showering together, spilling half the paint over each other instead of on the walls, mostly due to her starting this game in the first place. They'd just been enjoying life as much as possible in these times of war, trying hard not to pay attention to surroundings and instead live in the present where they could pass calm Saturdays with the other and do normal things, none of which required fighting till death or losing friends through veils and betrayals.

It was almost like a shred of peace that they were so close to being able to grasp that it seemed almost impossible to believe it wasn't there at all.

And so, as they were sitting on a bench in a park near the flat where they both lived now, together, and the day was drawing to a close, her sudden statement caught him off guard, with things having been so perfect lately, if not shocked him completely. He turned to her, surprise written all over his face.

"Pardon?"

Silence followed. It didn't take her long to give in to a smile, though, and she met his eyes with strange amusement in hers as she went to explain.

"When I was younger, dad and I always used to have these little role-plays. I would take his role, the incomprehensible father, and he would take mine, the misbehaving daughter, and we'd talk to each other that way, always drawing out clichés or what we didn't like about the other. And we'd come to understand our own mistakes much better in the end, especially when we'd had a dispute just before." The sentence ended in a quiet chuckle.

She drew her legs up on the bench to cradle them against her chest, resting her head on her knees in the process. She didn't continue immediately but simply waited a moment, her eyes intense as she looked over him, and even more so when she brought a hand up to lightly touch the side of his face. For some seconds she just traced lines from his cheekbone to his jaw, biting her bottom lip.

"I," she started after a while, hesitant for a moment, "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately."

He caught her raised hand in his and brought it down to his chest, cradling it within his other before he asked, "About what?"

She smiled again. "Things. Situations, future," she sighed, "_love_…"

"Love?" A frown creased his forehead. "I don't see how that would result in ruining _my_ life." He'd meant to sound amused, light-hearted, but he noticed the momentary angry flicker in her eyes and knew immediately that she didn't approve of his phrasing at all. But she never did.

He'd never said, when he'd finally given in to her, that he wouldn't _care_ anymore or let all his doubts drop in easy defeat. And he wasn't sure still, always trying to weigh consequences against actions and still musing about if or if not it might just be better for her to let go in the end. Even though he couldn't ascertain at all if he'd be able to let go himself anymore. He'd never wanted to be that dependent on someone and yet -

He knew that it might already be too late for that.

A sudden movement of hers brought him out of his brooding and he was surprised anew as he found her kneeling in front of him, both hands resting crossed on his lap so that they could support her head. She was looking at him through her eyelashes and there was something truly adorable to this. Involuntarily, he felt the need to grin.

"It doesn't," she told him, smiling widely despite her previous anger, "I was taking your _part_ in our role-play."

He frowned at her, struggling for a second to keep up with her train of thought. "We are doing role-plays now?" he asked, amusement finding its way into his voice as well.

"We are," she confirmed quietly.

"The point being?"

"Better understanding, of course," she answered in an incredulous tone, "Oh, and because of _that_."

He watched in silence and curiosity as her head rose and one hand left its place on his lap to disappear in her pocket, only to resurface with a ring from it. She held the golden jewellery out for him to see and he was very much aware of the shocked expression claiming all features of his face at once, instantly. It seemed as if he was staring at it for ages before he finally shot her a questioning look. She smiled again, this time almost mockingly.

"My granny's," she explained, "Dad's side of the family. He always used to tell me he wanted this to be my wedding ring."

He flinched at the word _wedding_, he couldn't help it, and a pause followed as she seemed to contemplate something, whether his reaction to what she'd said or further information she wanted to add to this. The latter proved right as she muttered quietly, "He gave it to me about a year ago, right before you left…" Her voice had a sad, wistful edge to it, he didn't know if she'd spoken to herself or him. He glanced momentarily away, feeling guilty.

Her eyes were unreadable as she regarded him again, searching for something - an emotion - that he wasn't quite sure he could give her. Silence followed and he didn't know what to say or even if it was save for him to say anything at all. She'd never mentioned the possibility of this kind of _connection_ between them before, or if she even wanted it, and they'd never come to talk about it up until now.

_Of course_ he'd… done his own thinking about the issue, once or twice after their relationship had had the time to get settled and become something unwavering of some sorts, something he'd never had before and therefore come to think of as _worth it_, in every way. He'd considered the _possibility_ then, it was unavoidable in a sense, but he'd never actually wasted too much time on musing about future, imagining things he knew he might not get, even if present circumstances proved obliging. He'd been all too used to disappointment already, and he'd known it would hurt when wishes and dreams, edged roughly across heart and soul, never came true.

"Tonks," he started, not quite decided yet on what he wanted to say, though keen on breaking the silence _somehow_, but she shook her head before he could continue and leant back slightly.

"We're role-playing, remember?" she reminded him and, as he didn't answer, took one of his hands in hers and stuffed the ring into his palm, closing the hand above it to secure the precious jewellery. "Take it, please," she begged and added, since he had opened his mouth to protest, "No, don't say anything, you need to let me explain."

He was halfway around saying something he knew he'd regret later, but was surprised to find that his mouth had closed again without any words having left it so far. Strangely, he felt the weight of the ring which seemed unusually heavy in his hands just then, and he could swear that the cold of the metal almost burned his skin. His heartbeat wasn't quite steady while he gazed into the dark, twinkling eyes in front of him - he wondered if she knew. But he waited. And, after what might have been ages, she took a deep breath and spoke with an adorable smile on her face that confused him somehow.

"Like I said, I've done some thinking lately. Situations, future, love… well, it was mostly about love and future really, and," her eyes wandered conspicuously over to an old pair sitting just a few benches away, and the smile playing around the edges of her lips widened as she looked back at him, "I want you to know that_ I_ know what I _want_." She said it with such determination that he couldn't find it within him to question her statement. He simply kept waiting.

"So," she went on, replacing her hands on his lap together with her head, "I was contemplating this for a long time, especially because I really didn't want to scare you off by throwing this on you out of nowhere. But then I realised I wanted this the old-fashioned way, but how to get you there, I knew you'd never ask yourself." A strange emotion passed his face, it might have been embarrassment or guilt, but it went unnoticed since she'd been side-glancing at the old pair again. "And, as time went by, I became more and more obsessed with the subject, it was really frustrating!" she confessed quietly, her voice but a murmur now and her face buried in her hands for a moment before it resurfaced again to meet his eyes. She didn't say anything further.

He felt the strange need to gulp; the longer they looked at each other, the more he became aware of how much eagerness her voice had contained despite its feebleness, or how much determination she'd shown behind her words. He wondered how long she'd been brooding over this, if he could've been able to see it come if only he'd paid more attention. But she'd never given evidence, never even touched the issue…

The sigh that left her lips just then made him blink, break their intense gazing on each other so that he was free to look away. He was suddenly reminded that he hadn't said anything at all.

"Tonks," he began, just like before, though this time in a much more stricken voice, and, just like before as well, she shook her head at him impatiently the moment her name had left his mouth.

"No, no, no," she said with obvious frustration in her voice, "You're not getting it, are you? When I say _I'm ruining your life_, it means that I'm taking _your_ role, so I'm, at best, Remus to you, or Remmy if you like." She laughed silently and shifted a little before her by now expectant eyes held his captive again and she asked in a serious voice, "_Your_ correct answer being?"

He pressed his lips together, to keep from starting with her name again, clenching his jaw as he did so. He could follow her train of thought, easily, because he knew that she meant what she'd said and he knew as well, with the numbest of pains taking seat in his stomach, what _exactly_ she wanted to hear from him, what this was that they were doing here. But he couldn't play along without processing the information first, or without thinking about it for some specific amount of time. And he was sure that, if anything, this deserved thinking over, a lot of actually, even if she claimed that she'd done it herself already.

He avoided her stare whilst speaking, every syllable that left his mouth as slow and uncertain as it was unmeant.

"_I don't care._" It sounded like a question.

Another wide, much too adorable smile spread and lighted her face and he wondered idly if she believed he'd given in, or if she knew that he couldn't, not without weighing consequences against actions again. She eyed his hand which still contained the ring suggestively. He sighed in frustration.

"Tonks," he started once more, giving her an apologetic look, bringing as much excuse in it as he dared do, and she sighed in frustration just as well, as much as he'd done before. She shook her head at him, an incredulous yet defeated laugh escaping her lips. He tried to find the right words to tell her _how much_ exactly he wanted to and _how much_, at the very same time, he just couldn't. But no words formed in his mind, or mouth, and they were left in awkward silence at the very end.

He figured that they both knew that this was going nowhere. At least not today. _Frustrating_, he concluded with a sad note in his head, _indeed_.

"Fine," she sighed after a while. Her voice sounded rather defeated than accusing. As she stood up, supporting her weight for a moment on his knees, she leant forwards and gave him a kiss on his cheek that surprised him, muttering lowly and quickly against the side of his face. He thought he caught the word "inveterate" in connection with his name. She leant back again, not giving him any chance to apologise by returning the kiss, and straightened herself up, stretching one arm to the air whilst a loud yawn escaped from between her lips.

"Time's yours," she told him encouragingly, rubbing earth and grass off her back, "Just let me know when we can continue with this, okay?"

He gave her a wistfully sad smile. _Her_ smile was more of a smirk as she turned around to leave, stifling yet another yawn. He clasped the metal in his hand firmly so that it almost dug painfully into his skin, but he didn't dare take another look at it.

"Oh," came her voice once more, and he saw how, several meters from where he sat, she half-turned to him again and said in a mocking tone, "By the way, you are awfully _terrible_ at role-playing, darling."

He almost laughed. Almost. Instead, he watched as she went on, seemingly following a path to the horizon where the red of the sun was turning dark already. It took him another moment to stand up as well and follow her, hands in his pockets, the cold metal of the ring never warming up, leaving him to shiver uncomfortably in the early evening breeze.

…

He needed a bit over a week to finally ask the question he knew she'd been patiently awaiting for so long. But as he did, they were far from role-playing. And she said _yes_ with the sweetest grin on her lips and the most beautiful twinkling in her eyes.

_Worth it_, he thought in that very moment, smiling,_ indeed_.

OoOoOoOoO

So, my question then: Was it _worth it_ to read? ;D I really do hope this wasn't too boring, I just wanted a calm fic for a change.

Anyhow, no story without a story to it, right? So, like I said, I wanted to post this yesterday originally, but particular circumstances intervened with my plans. That is to say _I_ intervened with my own plans, in the way that I let the corrected version of this fall right into the bathtub. Can you believe me so stupid to take my works with me anywhere near water, which irresponsible fanfiction writer does that? Well... I did. Whoops. BUT, to my defense, I snatched it out pretty fast and it was still readable, just that I needed to let it dry first. Welcome to my clumsy world! (Swear I saw it coming, I always do, I just never trust my own intuitions.)

OH, before I forget, er... reviews, anyone? I'd be happy about some concrit as well! Todays **review's bribe** will be a day with Tonks and Remus (or the one you prefer) at their new home, painting walls or rather playing around with the paint. After that, for the romantic ones, a sunset with Remus in the park, or, for the action-loving ones, a night on the highest roller coaster with Tonks, taking round after round till you're outright sick! (Yes, roller coasters at night are _awesome_!)

Between, I found the quote from Taylor _after_ I'd written the fic, for it bothered me that the beginning was so sudden. I figured I'd do well with a good quote and when I found this I was amazed at how almost perfectly it fitted in there! :D

So long then, dear R/T followers (and everbody else who loves fanfiction in general)

Let's all patiently wait for the sixth Potter movie (and hope they'll bring some R/T in there!); bye bye und tschüß


End file.
